Sometimes I wonder if depression really is the reality of life? It's been proven that people with depression score higher on tests of realism than those who don't and it makes me ponder over how this world is supposed to be a prison for the believer. The more I think about the hadith the more it seems like the reality of life aligns with the symptoms of depression. The feeling of emptiness, the hyper-awareness of death, the feeling of not really being at home. Islam seems to provide an explanation for all these things- the feeling of emptiness which comes from not physically being with your lord, being hyper-aware of death because death truly is closer than we think it is, Every day, month, year burned to dust and we continue to think "we have so much time left!" When we die our brains will replay every memory from this life in a dream sequence- and even psychology confirms this. This life truly is short, yet we waste our time thinking that time is unlimited. People live their lives so carelessly, so selfishly and although that's something that is encouraged I just don't agree with it. I am put on this earth for no other purpose than to worship Allah- to fulfill my religious obligations, to do good for God and treat people with kindness and love and make their lives better with my own two hands, to make the world better, to fight against injustice and oppression, to live with compassion. There isn't room for selfishness in this world. When I die the things I did for myself won't last. When I'm dead and below the ground, the things I did for myself will also be below the ground- unnoticed, unimportant and temporary- literal dirt, but the things I did for God, for the people I love, for the world, that will last forever. Even though this world is temporary, goodness lasts in the form of deeds. Goodness creates heavy mountains on the Day of Judgement, goodness softens hearts, goodness creates inspiration. When I hear people say "put yourself first" and "live for yourself" I do understand the care that comes with it in the sense that you should never destroy yourself for another person or for anything- but there is nothing wrong with making sacrifices for the people in your life and putting them first. That's what i think love is- putting someone else's well-being and happiness in front of yours, letting them go in front of you sometimes. I feel like knowing that I helped someone or made them happy makes me feel much better than putting myself first. It brings me real happiness to know that I eased another soul and living my entire life in such a selfish matter in which I continually put myself first and only do what's best for me over and over again will never bring me any real happiness.
The reality of this life is depressing indeed- there's injustice at every corner you turn, power is given to those who don't deserve it, innocent people die at the hands of tyrants, rapists can go free, African Americans are shot like animals in cold blood on the streets, child marriages are an every-day occurrence in South Asia and justice is never served. I can't fathom that this life alone would be the end of it and I realize that Islam is the reason I still have have a hold of my sanity. The promise of every person being granted justice in the hereafter and every abuser, oppressor and tyrant being thrown into the fire to suffer the consequences of what they used to do in this world keeps me going. It keeps me aware of God's everyday knowing that He's watching every little thing that goes down in this dunya and on that Day everyone will have a taste of their deeds. It keeps me from being selfish because I know my actions will always impact others, my words always have some kind of weight and I will be held accountable for what I used to do
